YEAR 2007

                                                                         YEAR --2007

Fear and Anxiety gets into ones mind; Fear is a natural reaction that gets into the body system and mind.Spirituality and alternative medicine can help a person in many ways. I realised that Time is interminable when so much lies ahead and a lot unknown to one; this is how my interaction with the Cancer Institute took place :---


9th JANUARY 2007

This was my first medical examination for the year 2007, everthing  normal and was assigned to report on 5th March 2007..

5th MARCH2007
Everything normal again and since itis almost a year the doctor suggested  a thorough revival on 9th April 2007.

17th APRIL 2007
I skipped my medical examination on 9th April, around mid April I notice a small abscess on my suture's had come up and got ruptured so I came in on this day and the doctors said it was a small infection out of excess cold, an X-Ray was done and doctors said everything was normal and suggested the next medical examination for mid June..

14th JUNE 2007
Visited the Institute and Doctors checked on weight and a good increase to 71 Kg, posted next examination for 2nd week of September.

13th SEPTEMBER 2007
everything normal and Doctor suggested I could continue on painkiller as the only remedy for the pain that still remains also suggested some Physiotherapy exercise  next review to be done after 6 months that is in mid March 2008.

Another year has gone by leaving me with the Stigma, which plays a lot in my mind

1st AUGUST 2006

I made my first journey after my surgery and went to Bangalore and stayed in my sisters place , I was okay and felt as usual but had lost all the confidence of moving through the public, the weather was chill and I could feel the chillness and uncomfortable feeling at the opening in my throat for Tracheotomy as it is I always catch a cold within 4 hours due to this surgery on account of the opening, at Bangalore the cold was constant and kept increasing finally one day I had a small Sinus formation in my neck along the sutures line, this was becoming bigger day by day and finally at the size of a small Lemon it broke one afternoon with puss and slight blood , everyone at Bangalore was shocked, I told them not to worry.... by now I had gained a lot of confidence in my Life,, my sister Sheila was at home and helped me ; got the wound  cleaned just put a piece of gauze and plaster over it, the next day she made arrangements to fly me back to Chennai and accompanied me ....  I just saw the dates in my Diary---it happened on 15th August 2006, and we left the next day by the evening flight on 16th August after visiting my mothers cemetery for her 2nd Death Anniversary.

17th AUGUST 2006

The first job for the day was to rush to the Cancer Institute, since we had no appointment we made it early,  here there is always a delay and most patients who go without prior appointments have to wait till the end or squeeze in between when a No Show patient does not turn up, also a lot of time is taken to get the file from the record room, even though they have a brief history on the computer they prefer the file verification and it is signed by the concerned doctors after checking each patient. Again as Luck was on my side  one of the Doctors who attended on me at the Operation theatre was there, After a thorough examination the doctor told us it was an Abscess of Sinus that had formed along the suture lines  with germination  tissue , just told me to dress it daily just with a plain cotton gauze and a plaster over it to avoid any infection and stamped my O. P card for review on 4th September .
Everything normal started gaining weight very gradually, but the frequent pain in the right shoulder is annoying at times,

2nd OCTOBER 2006
I skipped my review for 4September and made it after a month to the Cancer Institute; had to wait for some time since I was a Walk In Out Patient without any emergency, I had told the Doctor about the constant pain in the right side of the neck area--- after examining Doctor told me that the tissues on the Lower neck area are reclining to normal hence pain would be there and suggested physiotherapy for the shoulder. Now this day I noticed I had pulled up my weight to 66 Kilograms from a mere 60 when I got discharged, Next medical examination stamped for 9th January 2007.

11th APRIL 2006
Reported to the Cancer Institute as per schedule, asked me to report on the 13th with Appointment fixed with he Doctor in charge of radiation, this day I was clearly told even though the surgery has been successful and all cells free of Cancer a Radiation therapy was important for future........ so report on 13th April.

13th APRIL 2006
I was instructed to go to the Radiation Department , later put on a x-ray table and they did a bit of Geometry on my face,  near the neck area marked with stencil Ink all Horizontal and Vertical lines, then went to the Radiation room, this Cancer Institute had the art of radiation equipment-at freezing temperature had to remove the shirt lie on Scanner bed that goes into a Capsule ,here the radiation beams are just scanned on the marked area for just 2 minutes, that's it so I had to do 56 SITTINGS  of Radiation Therapy daily except Saturdays and Sundays.
During this period of radiation I could feel the difference of dry throat, skin turning black, loss of hair and slight numbness  and finally as of this day when I am blogging there is no hair growth on my beard area of the right side, Thank God I have not lost the taste of food.
Finished my entire sitting of radiation 23rdMAY 2006, Out- patient card stamped to report on 22nd JULY 2006.......If I had gone through an early detection, timely screening just imagine what life would have been, my greatest Luck is that I escaped going through that painful THERAPY..............what.???? CHEMOTHERAPY.

22nd JULY 2006
Reported to Cancer Institute everything has been normal over the period except for my intake of food which is backdrop for my health I cannot eat more than a slice of bread and 1 egg, I felt hungry .my stomach wants more but my throat and neck area stops it,my food has to be sent down with a bit of stress by today I have got used to it and as the Doctors told me nature will take care yes it has taken care. I started gaining confidence in my life.
The P.C. at home has become my dearest companion I did a lot of surfing on Cancer got to know a few sites that counsel patients, I had gained weight slowly but feel very weak,now all the stencil marks etc have disappeared and clean I was able to shave twice a week, and that should do since I do not go out, OP card stamped report on 4th SEPTEMBER 2006

POST SURGERY

25th MARCH2006

Shifted from I.C.U. to a special ward and this was good since presence of an attendant or family member beside me was not necessary, all I had to do was Buzz for the Nurses on duty and moreover since I was drugged heavily on Morphine tablets I was always enjoying my sleep. Now as for Food it was only thin Liquid  like porridge etc. with multivitamin fed through my stomach in a tube just above the navel and this was to be continued till my throat was completely healed.
During the next few days all the sutures were removed and daily Physiotherapy was administered in bed and slow walking for about 10 minutes; and I really felt the severe weakness in loss of weight, No neck muscle to balance, After a week I was given a full briefing  for discharge and even I was getting used to my second Life all by nature

3rd APRIL 2006
I was discharged by Noon and my sister Sheila was there from Bangalore all required pain Killer tablets and out Patient Card was given and asked to report on 10th April; reached home with a sigh of relief at the same time I was really worried and shattered within myself as to  the new Life,  a Survival.......

5th APRIL 2006
I got up in the morning and notice that the feed tube in my stomach had come out, this was due to the fact that I was restless in bed for want of sleeping dose pills, I went to the hospital and to my Luck the surgeon who operated me was on duty after a thorough examination the Doctor asked me to report to the Operation Theatre ; I was waiting a the the Pre-surgery ward and the doctor gave me some water to drink and observed that there was no sign of any wetness or water coming into my Tracheotomy done area , so they  asked me to go on light food orally, I was really happy to know and did long to eat something after a good briefing I left and Out-Patient card stamped to report on 11th April .

POST SURGERY

22 nd MARCH 2006

As I blog on this day. that is precisely 48 months after my surgery, my memory is fresh as a newly bloomed flower; though time has gone so fast, it was around 4.00pm on this day that I regained my concious and opened my eyes with a numb body, Isaw myself lying in the Intensive Care Unit with tubes from my neck,stomach and with the life saving ventilation device. The nurse who was present told me everything is normal and fine and my family members have been informed about the successful operation; later the doctors came and informed me that I will have to remain in this ward for a minimum of 3 days so I was put back here till the 26th March with drips on and off with diluted liquid feed, after 2 days I was removed to a wheelchair and started to stand with support.

Oh God !! I was totally shattered and thought will never be able to survive looking at myself........ just imagine I was 75 kgs before I came in and this day I am just 60 kgs I could se my ribs and bones. The doctors who came on their round built a lot of confidence in me and told me that I must not worry and it has been a 2 nd life

MARCH 21st 2oo6---------(SURVIVAL DAY FOR ME<>EITHER ITS THIS DAY OR NEVER)

***Yes!!! It was decided by the surgeons the surgery takes place today @7-30 am precisely, all my family members informed that I will be out of the operation theatre by 4.00pm, so early morning I was wheeled to theoperation theatre Sandeep was withme I i did go with a lot of confidence, signed the papers that was required by the authourities and they dressed me into a fresh sterlised green cloak put a fresh identity band...... yeah then I was told there are another 3 major surgery in the adjoining wards also. Well this is what the final Clinical surgery index mentioned -----RIGIDSCOPY FOLLOWED BY LARYNGO PHARYNGO OESOPHAGECTOMY AND RIGHT MODIFIED RADICAL NECK DISSECTIONAND LEVEL II, III & IV--NECK DISSSECTION DONE.........is that not spine chilling to hear , God had been great to me gave me a 2nd Life----I was told later on by my family members that they saw me through the glass partition being shifted to the INTENSIVE CARE UNIT @ 4.30, and the surgeons showed the victory sign to them.

MARCH 20 th 2006

**Doctors brief my family members bout the surgery to take place the next day, my brother Jude is also there and all necessary papers signed, arrangements made for Blood and all precautions taken for surgery like no intake of any types of food / liquid after 6.00pm,stomach wash done. THIS DAY NO PAIN> I GET A LOT OF COURAGE ........FEEL LIKE FLOATING SOMEWHERE.......IS IT THE MORPHINE................

**All these days my son Sandeep had been my attendant he would go straight home have bath and go to work , then come and spend all his time with me especially night time and the hospital insisted on an attendant since I could not speak after my 1st surgery... what I speak comes out as whispers since my voice box is not functioning

MARCH 11th--------20th 2006

**Shifted out of I.C.U. under observation and convalescing in the hospital. Strong painkillers and other drugs every 4 hours; only liquid intake; loosing weight rapidly and variation pulse rates. Doctors give a very special drug , tablet (MORPHINE) to relive all the pain, this takes one on a great trip and makes the mind blank---------- wow a great feeling it was ;when ever I took this tablet
Doctors fix the date for the next surgery 21-March and brief me about the surgery to be done, all the while I was given the impression that it was going to be an ordinary surgery, but this day they tell me the surgery is going to be in stages to remove all the cancer cells from the neck area and also have to open my stomach to draw out a large intestine which will take my intake of food later. At this moment I was shaken up a bit , well to know the fact the CLINICAL DIAGNOSIS was CARCINOMA HYPO PHARYNX STAGE T3 .